Opalintheskywithdiamonds

So I have a new job contract starting September one. I am psyched. There is 1+ month to go....but I am smart enough to see the hidden treasure in this period.....Nay, don't cry for me.....having too much free time is a luxury too few can least afford. For the first time in 10 years there is this lull....this period in which I was searching for a job, worried about my dwindling savings, got the job, no longer worried about finding a way to stay in France for the way is now clear clear clear, and now there is the period where is seems like nothing is happening, a lady of leisure of sorts minus the manolo binge at Barneys or blowouts at Frederic Fekkai and lunch at Da Salvino....but I hesitate to call it waiting. For to wait is to think that which you need most is yet to come, rather than already arrived...here....now. So how can I continue "living"...just being when I have no schedule but my own? Who am I without that? Living in a majestic city such as Paris I find I can easily concoct a jolly time for free or with very little money. Often strangers who read my blog have asked if I work or have this impression that I live this insanely exciting life. Yes I work, and yes my life can be exciting but not without a solid helping of real life worries and desires that seem to elude me. In other words, the fairy tale is as much real as the very reality of my life. For me September 1st shall soon come so I shant worry for September. In the meantime I will be in New York next week for 3 big ones!!! Its different to visit a place and live in it. And since I've been living here for the past 10months, sometimes all those lovely touristy places become exactly that and I avoid them like the plague. But now that I have all this lovely time on my hands, I thought, why not get lost in this enchanting city again as I did so well back in September?....but in the spirit of "slow food".....slow and deliberate.
My lovely man gifted me a sparkling new bike and so along I go on it with my journal, my plume pen, sunblock and more than enough monnaie/change to buy a gelato when I feel the rush.........until I find some patch of grass or some unsoiled bench (the pigeons are aplenty here) to lay myself upon.

to bloom, open out, come out; (of a person) to bloom, blossom (out)
This French word perfectly describes my current state. I am still here in Paris. It still feels good to be me. Feeling radiant and rooted despite being in what can sometimes feel like a rocky place. Feeling like an ocean washing over me, in a moment it feels like I'm drowning but the tide quickly fades, I am naked, daring to stand still because I had been trashing about wandering aimlessly, my eyes blink open for they had been shut, my palms come wide open and outstretched upwards because they had been closed/clinched, I look forward because I had been reaching backwards, and the floodgates of my heart and soul unleashed because it had been too safely guarded. A freshness is coming over me needing to be born...I am letting it, relishing in the not knowing....struggling in the not knowing...A higher purpose keeps calling.....my passion project......An orchid in the mud...steadily blooming, gloriously blooming....
Below, the peony my favorite flower just because. Today I spent a few hours with my sister friend, Julia. We roamed San Francisco and co bookstore in St. Germain and she bought me the book I've been lusting after for the past few months "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron, ate devine gelato near Vavin, browsed for jewelry, philosophised, talked about how we are today compared to nearly 9months ago when we landed in Paris, talked about transitions easy and not so easy, and did what we do best, surrendered to a few choice temptations.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The lineup:

My new nephew

Lately BB and I have been consumed with travel talk, Australia & New Zealand since it's nice to go to a place where you have a free place to stay right??...to lusty daydreams of Africa, Cuba and Thailand. To the more realistic of the wedding we will head to in Britagne and to Annecy, Lyon and Toulon also here in France......since we've both already been to central Spain....on our wish list are the Basque region (Bilboa in the North) and the Andalucian (Granada, Seville, Cordoba, The rock of Gibraltor in the South) and if I'm lucky we can do Florence (Pisa, Lucca, Venice, cinque terre). But my real destination dream is Bora Bora.

My Aussie pal Nicola was heading out from Paris and decided to have a party in a recording studio. The kind of party that starts in the daytime and runs into the wee hours of the morning which included sitting on sidewalks when it got too hot in the studio, getting the "juice" on life from a sauced up aged musician, and drinking out of plastic cups brimmed with fruit and rum! It felt like a scene out of Harlem that I'd witnessed so many times. Who would have imagined it took for me to come to Paris to sit on a "stoop?"..... Of course BB brought along his saxaphone. Nicola not only speaks fluent French and kicks ass at the drums, she is on her way to fluency in Chinese. She is now in China doing exactly that for 7weeks before heading home to Sydney. On her last night here we had a vietnamese/thai style din din chez another sassy Aussie, Carla. Then BB came by with the car and treated us all with a Paris by night tour....very lovely times indeed. We oohed and awed and fell in love with Paris all over again, ate crepes in Saint Germain, drank cidre and listened to Afrobeats on the car-radio, parked the car illegally just to take the gazillionth photo by the Eiffel and wondered how 8months could go by so.....now when I'm in her old hood I instinctively turn my head in the direction of her old apt and I think "I miss Nic, what good times we've had" with a big cheesy grin on my face.

...so normally I don't post un-flattering photos...I'm vain...me thinks all three of us ladies look like we're sporting baby bumps! So it's my fault.....BB and I made dinner and stuffed Rachael/Arnaud, Julia/Taj and our own faces to the max. Can I also say loads of wine and homemade choc cake were involved? (thanks to BB's mama). At the end of the night we desperately wanted to capture an image and this was the result.

I am grateful for the sun which warms my bones, and from my nose to my toes

I am grateful for all the lovely cabins in the French countyside I get invited to

I am grateful for all the times we make crepes, tell dirty jokes, sit around the fire place and listen to fantastic music

I am grateful for the lovely 5 course picnic for lovers BB and I were given last weekend by his aunt

I am grateful that inspirational writing is a trend that doesn't seem to be going out of style

I am grateful when I receive gifts I would have bought for myself

I am grateful for the unexpected gift from BB of a new bicycle

I am grateful for Skype

I am grateful for naps in the park with friends

I am grateful for bbq's and trash talk and good wine

I am grateful for having found painting supplies and canvass so I can splash a little color here and there

I am grateful that there is enough video footage of me "acting a fool" for my family to re-watch everytime they miss me

I am grateful for BB who brings me fresh squeezed orange juice every morning despite the fact that I am still half asleep in bed

 

April has already been such an eventful month. Last friday marked the end of my teaching obligations in Savigny Sur Orge. Honestly, I don't think it has hit me. I received lots of well wishes, a few gifts and thoughtful keep in touch notions. But perhaps because I knew it was not truly goodbye to France it was not really emotional for me. I've made key relationships with a few teachers and we've crossed over to the friend level which is nice. The teaching assistantship was a great way to get here, to France, a great way to remind me of what I want and don't want, there were delightful surprises, a love connection and also genuine boredom and moments of frustration even. Back in Florida my mom had a health scare and the realities of living thousands of miles came crashing down. My sweetie was near and his shoulders were always near. He saw me in a way he had never before and I was glad for it. Glad to say I'm ok needing someone, glad to know someone needs me. We crossed that bridge. She is back on her feet for which I am beyond words. Before that could all settle we headed out about an hour-half from Paris to Montargy for a 3day wknd wedding fete. And that it was. We stayed in an old decaying mansion belonging to a famed French writer, the deceased grandfather of Bertrand's friend Clarice. There were atleast 15 of us in this house, all friends of Bertrand's. We slept among dusty books, peeling ceilings, sepia colored family photos, heirlooms and ate commune style. The church ceremony and wedding reception itself were full of laughter, happy hearts, satisfied bellies, overflowing cups of wine and we boogied to more American soul and funk music on the dance floor than I expected at a French wedding led by my sweetie Bertrand at the turntable. So the wedding ceremony was held on this massive estate....when you look around all you can see is green or fields of yellow....a stable here, a stable there. It was happy chaos really and by Sunday I was ready to retreive with my cheri. But you know goodbyes here aren't simply a wave of your hand in the air or a simply tata....it's kissing everyone present. So the idea is to say you are leaving atleast 30minutes from the targeted time you want to leave....seriously....it took us this much time to kiss every baby, woman and child. Back to Paris and super excited by the fact that my new nephew chose to enter the world 1 day before my birthday. That little bugger!! For the moment my life is pressing SEND with the re: CV attached. Delighting in the lovely weather fast approaching, delighting in summer travel plans with BB, delighting in being back in the US for a visit within the next few weeks, delighting in being full of joy and hope. Delighting in endings and beginnings.

 

 

 

 

 

Your rough yet tender hands feel warm encircled around my face.

I gaze upwards to you, as the sunflower yearns for the sun

Your fingers seek to caress every crevice of my being

I crane and arch kissing the soul of your palms, taking you in

you said

surrender

I am confident in us

I am good with you

you said.

With you there is a strong knowing of what is, what will be

A steadiness, A sweetness we marvel often.

Fraiche

Reaching for each other,

cradling and nesting,

stifling and freeing,

rough yet tender 

daring for something deeper....

I go careening off and you are fixed, a small smile always pursing at the corner

of your perfect delightful lips.

You go careening off and I reach from my breast, calm, sure, soft.

We listen, you coo

and I purr.

 

We were itching for a little trip outside Paris and this invitation came just in time. Less than a 2 hour train from Paris and we arrived in Chalon en Champagne, not far from Epernay the home of Champagne's favorite brand Moet and Chandon. Despite the light rain and winds, it was a sunny weekend perfect for our wine cave tour, a bon fete for a friend's bday which I think was attended by the entire village and much debauchery as to be expected when you're not far from where the world's finest Champagne is cultivated. It was the kind of weekend where sleep had no meaning, joking, talking, eating and drinking were the order of the days. Fun fun fun. We drove not far to witness for ourselves the rather complicated and time consuming process of making wines and Champagne....the cave we visited was 3rd generation owned....we saw the old method of pressing and distilling to new modern equipment which somehow still seems a bit complex....who knew? The weather was perfect for our Sunday walk as much to our delight we discovered an abandoned chateau which legend goes that it was purchased for 1euro but the proprietaire had no money to renovate it!! We daydreamed about BB doing a refait and me working my creative spell inside...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When you live in Paris and have an expressive, loving and fun French lover--- everyday can easily feel like Valentines. This season taught me the value of expressing my needs, no matter how illogical or silly they seemed. I think we're different, he thinks we're not. I can be irrational and impulsive. Thank heavens for the voice of reason in my life, my older sister who knows "what from what." My passive-aggressive tendency did not scare you. You stood firm and challenged me. You did not budge, telling me yes before I could finish. I was not ready. Old cobwebs stuck in my brain, painful and habitual rituals persist. And then came you.

You gave me the sweetest Valentine of all...the gift of yourself and the gift of your family.  

doing the most unexpected,

taking my breath away,

just in that moment I realized you were enough. 

there you were, fresh, meaningful you

that day like everyday, consistent

true, delightful.